What it means to live with impermanence, unsatisfactoriness, and non-self – and why these insights are not bad news, but rather grant more freedom.
Introduction: A Perfectly Ordinary Morning
There it is – the cup of tea (coffee) along with the piece of cake we had been looking forward to. We had wished for a quiet moment, a moment to breathe. The first sip – warm, strong, just right. The first bite – sweet, delicious!
The second sip, the second bite? Less intense. And all subsequent ones quickly lose their appeal and intensity. Then something we need to do comes to mind. Or the phone rings. Or we notice how tense our back actually is. Where did it go, our perfect moment?
Tilakkhaṇa – The Three Marks of Existence
Three aspects that all experience shares – and with which we can grapple extensively. The Tilakkhaṇa, often translated as the marks of existence. To recognize, understand, and find a way to deal with them is often considered the supreme discipline of the Dharma. It sometimes sounds mystical, sometimes highly philosophical, sometimes off-putting. But it’s actually quite simple: Everything changes (anicca), always contains a certain degree of friction (dukkha), and cannot be possessed, precisely defined, or controlled (anatta).
The three are neither dogmas nor mystical insights that become accessible to us after long hours of meditation. Rather, they are perspectives – viewpoints that we can choose like glasses, offering us a new look at a situation. A view that we can practice, apply in everyday life, and which helps us understand many frictions and challenges in life.
Impermanence (Anicca): Nothing stays the same
Actually, we know it – everything changes. However, because our human mind needs a certain degree of structure and order, and constant change can sometimes be daunting, we repeatedly start thinking about things as unchangeable, constant entities. “This is how I am,” we think about ourselves, and about others, “This is how you are.”
Outwardly, we often clearly see impermanence: Roles and tasks begin, change, and end. We change jobs and residences, our relationships go through different phases, and our body also changes repeatedly.
But even when we look inward, we can perceive impermanence: Thoughts have various themes, we experience different moods throughout the day, and emotions arise and subside. Our intentions and motivations change, and even our attention is only briefly directed towards something before it wanders off and focuses on something else.
Unsatisfactoriness (Dukkha): There’s always something
Dukkha is often translated as “suffering.” That’s not wrong, but often too crude. Dukkha is more than just suffering – it’s the fine sand in the gears, the constant friction with (experiencing) life, with the fact that no moment is or remains perfect. “There’s always something,” we say to each other jokingly – even if it’s just the knowledge that even the most beautiful moment cannot last.
We often struggle considerably with dukkha – perhaps we can still manage to make everything finally good? How often do we assume that the imperfect and incomplete is a mistake – a misunderstanding. And that we just need to try harder, and then perhaps we could still achieve perfection. Sometimes one can also get angry, perceive life as unfair or unjust, or feel ashamed for not getting it right.
Dukkha reminds us that friction, imperfection, and incompleteness are part of this life. This is not always easy to accept; sometimes it can also be mourned. And additionally, it requires some wisdom to decide when to accept something and when decisive action makes sense.
Non-Self (Anatta): Without an unchanging core
Anatta can initially prove to be the most intricate of the three perspectives. It is better understood when one knows the context in which it arose: an-atta means something like “not Atman,” and during the time of the Buddha, Atman referred to something like the divine essence, the unchanging, untouchable, and independent core of a human being. In a Christian context, one might speak of the soul.
With his teaching of anatta, the Buddha pointed out that in practice, it could not be about this “core,” because everything we experience and perceive is in flux. Body, thoughts, feelings, memories – constantly change, and with them, all that we usually refer to as “I” or “mine.”
Anyone who observes themselves throughout the day will notice how often our self-perception changes – both “who” we are and how intense this self-reference is. And sometimes we have wonderful moments in which we are “selfless.”
But not only who we are is a dynamic constantly in motion, but also what describes us, what belongs to us, and what we can control and change. It can be quite challenging to realize that while we can often co-create, set impulses, and strive for change – ultimately, we have no control. Not even over our thoughts, feelings, or attention. Because if we did, we could say: “be like this (and not otherwise).”
A Gradual Practice
Anyone who engages with the three marks of existence will certainly find one challenge or another within them. They delve deep into our humanity, and quite understandably, we have some resistance towards them.
It’s also not about confronting these perspectives relentlessly, but always asking: What do I need to be able to adopt this viewpoint? What resources and skills should I cultivate?
For example, it requires stable compassion for oneself and others to recognize that dukkha is an integral part of human life. It requires clarity and presence to recognize that experiences not only pass (impermanence), but also that a painful farewell, a bad mood, or dissatisfaction are not stable, and we should not dwell exclusively on the unpleasant aspects of impermanence.
Everyday Practice: Practicing Perspective Shifts
- The Perspective of Impermanence: The invitation is to perceive everything that changes – within us and around us. To recognize that some of these changes are welcome to us, and we reject others. That we sometimes fixate on the pleasant or even the painful, and beyond that, obscure or ignore other aspects of experience. How often do we say “something or someone is like this” and try to fixate on something that is alive and changing?
- The Perspective of Unsatisfactoriness: The invitation to recognize that nothing is perfect – neither ourselves, others, nor our experiences. To observe how we deal with the eternally imperfect, non-perfect, mediocre. What tactics we employ, what expectations we hold, and what goals we pursue – and whether that goes hand in hand with the fact that even in our next endeavor, there will be no perfection.
- The Perspective of Non-Self: The invitation to perceive how our self-image constantly changes and shifts. How we perceive ourselves one way, and then another. And to recognize all that we attach to this self – what it should be able to do and control, what it describes, and for what it is responsible. What we want to make it, and what it is not allowed to be. And then to question whether we actually have the means and possibilities to do so, and whether we have included the contributing circumstances in our expectations.
Three Takeaway Questions
- How do I deal with change? Where do I notice it, and where do I often ignore it?
- How do I react to incompleteness, mediocrity, and a lack of perfection?
- What do I believe I have control over, and what is truly, truly “mine”?
Conclusion: Not a Gloomy Dogma, but an Invitation
Anicca, Dukkha, and Anatta may sound rather bleak at first glance. But they are not a denial of the world – they invite us to gently explore what is already happening. And by consciously choosing these perspectives, we gradually learn the resources we need to embrace these aspects of experience. Integrated in this way, we experience a freedom – free from the usual avoidance strategies that otherwise cost us so much energy, time, and attention.
